The other day something happened: I accidentally petted Róka first instead of my black cat Ördög. Then Iszkiri jumped up onto the windowsill too, and the two of them started purring together. Meanwhile, Ördög was standing by my feet, meowing plaintively. Even though I signaled to him that there was space for him too and encouraged him to jump up, he didn’t. He walked away, and when I called him back, he did come over and let me pick him up and pet him as usual—but he didn’t purr. And since he usually purrs so loudly and contentedly even when we just look at him, I knew something was wrong. For the next few hours, he just stared at me from a distance, his gaze piercing right into my soul, but he refused to engage with me. Eventually, he softened, of course, but the incident really got me thinking.

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Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out that cats do hold grudges. A little. On the one hand, they have excellent memories; on the other, they are intelligent and infinitely sensitive. So, what’s the truth? Let’s find out!

Ördög just watched from afar, he didn't want to interact with me after the "incident"

Do Cats Really Hold Grudges?

“Grudges involve a variety of different unpleasant emotions: hurt, anger, resentment, jealousy,” explains Joey Lusvardi, mental health assistant and founder of Class Act Cats behavior consultancy. Humans often hold grudges to protect themselves from future pain or disappointment.

But do cats also hold grudges, considering they experience the six basic emotions, one of which is anger? Well, it seems not—at least not in the way humans do. According to Lusvardi, a key point in this is that cats lack a sense of morality. In other words, the concepts of right and wrong do not shape their behavior. Cats respond to facts, not interpretations.

This means—at least as I interpret it—that when cats react as though they’re offended or hurt, they’re really just trying to process changes in their routines or environments that they did not approve of. However, that doesn’t mean they’re holding a grudge.

Cats experience the 6 basic emotions

What Do Cats Remember?

Closely related to the above, we shouldn’t underestimate what cats remember. Honestly, I’m starting to break into a sweat again just thinking about Ördög...

Cats' long-term memories are often triggered by smell, taste, or sound. Experts say they have excellent short- and long-term memory and can remember things for up to 10 years. This means that negative experiences can also stay with them. Cats rescued from poor conditions often have a harder time trusting again—not out of resentment, but as a survival instinct.

According to Dr. Maggie Placer, the “3-3-3 rule” (three days of stress, three weeks of adjustment, and three months to feel at home) is a common adoption guideline. So, for cats with difficult pasts, building trust may take even more time.

Our pets are excellent observers and can remember things and events for up to 10 years

Can Your Cat Be Mad at You?

Anger is a short-lived emotion, while grudges are long-term—experts say neither truly applies to cats. However, anyone who has dealt with felines knows they can become overstimulated easily, which can be mistaken for anger. In such moments, they might suddenly lash out or hide. This can be triggered by:

• too much petting;
• too much brushing;
• loud noises
• strong smells;
• presence of other animals;
• a vet visit;
• moving house;
• intense play;
• catnip;
• arrival of a new family member.

Cats don’t brood for long and certainly don’t wait for an apology. Their behavior is more often rooted in stress, fear, or anxiety. The key isn’t appeasement, but creating a sense of safety and breaking negative associations.

How to Create a Sense of Security for Your Cat

Cats need safe, retreat-friendly spots both inside the home and outdoors if they are allowed outside or live there. This can be something as simple as a cardboard box, but ideally, it should be in a quiet corner, away from other animals. Covered beds and scratching posts also work well. If you have multiple cats, each one should have their own little hideaway — preferably more than one.

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Provide your kitten with plenty of comfortable hiding places

If a certain object or situation (such as a carrier) triggers negative feelings in your cat, the solution is gradual desensitization using positive reinforcement. For instance, if just seeing the carrier causes stress, start by introducing it slowly and associate it with positive experiences like treats, petting, pheromone sprays, or a blanket or toy that smells familiar. First, just place the carrier somewhere in your home and let your cat explore it in connection with these positive experiences.

And more importantly, don’t beat yourself up if you sometimes startle your cat or do something they don’t particularly like. Even the most devoted cat owners make mistakes. The best thing you can do in such moments is to give your cat time and space to calm down and reconnect with you on their own terms.

And what did I personally learn from the above situation? For Ördög, it’s important that he gets the first pet, that the attention is directed to him first. Iszkiri and Róka don’t mind as long as they get plenty of affection too. So I’ll make an effort to give Ördög attention first — that way, peace can be maintained. Once again, this reminded me that beyond understanding the species-specific traits of cats, it’s equally essential to recognize and respect the personality and needs of our individual pets.